Monday, December 19, 2011

Taking It All In

Almost every night the same thought runs through my mind...I accomplished absolutely nothing today.

Laundry, organizing, cleaning, cooking.  I am never without something on my To Do list.

However, tonight as I was replaying what I actually did do today I realized that even though I didn't get to most of the things that I would have liked, I did get to spend time with my kids.  Elijah and I sat on the couch to do his reading lesson.  I answered Connor's question about multiplication.  I watched as the older ones played with the younger ones. I watched as Luke rough housed with his little brothers.  As Caleb sat with Samuel and read to him.  I watched as Alyssa came out of her room this morning looking for "her Silas".   I watched as Micah helped Samuel play a computer game.

 I find myself resisting the urge to pull them from enjoying each other more and more over time.  These times are important for them just as they are to me.  Chores can wait just a little longer.

Time goes by so quickly.  It doesn't stand still for anyone.  If I don't just let life be then I will miss it all.

I have a friend that says that she doesn't like to clean the fingerprints off of her sliding door.  As her children grow the prints get higher and higher.  One day there will be no more smudges to remind her that she has little ones running around.

My sliding door has fingerprints on it.  My fridge has dirty handles left by the little hands that grasp them.  I have socks, toys, sippy cups, pillows, blankies, stuffed animals, Legos and more strewn throughout my house.  And one day they will all be gone.

I will finally have the organized, clean house I've always wanted.

And then I will be sad.

Maybe I should rethink this...

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Children.  They are blessings.  They are gifts.

 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
   who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
   when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

              Psalm 127:3-5 ESV

Larry and I have been entrusted with fifteen children.  Yes, fifteen!  

Some only stayed with us for a short time but they touched our lives in a way that has made our walk with the Lord stronger.  Their short lives still have purpose and I see it when I get to minister to other women that have experienced the death of a child.  

The nine that we have been allowed to keep here with us are awesome!  Each has a personality all their own.  Daily they teach me about mercy, grace, patience, love.  I fail daily in at least one of these but my children are forgiving and continue to love me despite my shortcomings.  

And then there are the children that are given away or taken away because they have no value, will only be a burden on society...or so "they" say.  Sweet little children without a mommy or daddy to hold them, feed them, teach them, LOVE them.  I shake my head in disbelief.  It makes me sad, angry, discouraged all at the same time.  I want to help them all.  Take their pain and loneliness away.  And not later but now.  

We have talked about adopting "some day".  "Maybe we'll adopt when we can't have anymore biological children."  Years ago we turned our family size over to God just like we had every other area of our lives.  If He was trustworthy to take care of the other aspects of our lives then surely He could be trusted with this, too.  I mean, after all, He was the One that gave us children that the doctors said we'd never have.  (Yes, you read that right.  I was not supposed to be able to have children.  Ha!)

We don't believe God is done blessing us with children.  Hoping and praying for at least one more biological child but also wanting to bring home a sweet one that has never known the love of a family.  I am excited about what is in store for our family!

Adoption is an expensive and time-intensive thing especially if adopting from overseas.  Waiting to see how God will provide the finances that are needed.  Waiting to see who He is going to give us.  It is difficult to not be able to move on this now - looking at all the sad little faces and wanting to give them what they deserve.
Patience and trust.  In His timing.